JOY AND THE ALPHA MALE
Years ago, I heard a description of Alpha Male in relation to dogs. In the dog world, every dog pack has a leader. This leader is known as the alpha animal, who dominates and leads the other members of the pack. The alpha is the boss who makes decisions for the entire pack. All the other members of the pack form a hierarchy of dominance and submission where everyone has a place.
The alpha dog must rule with great strength. Usually the pack will have an alpha male and an alpha female. Where one male and one female fulfill this role, they are referred to as the alpha pair. Both male and female alpha dogs exude confidence, maintaining control through body position, facial expression, and the occasional nip or snarl at beta members of the pack.
In humans, Alpha Male often refers to a man who is powerful or high on the social ladder, similar to hegemonic masculinity. Good word, huh? Hegemonic masculinity, according to widipedia.org, is a normal “idea of masculinity that men are supposed to aim for and women are supposed to want. Some characteristics associated with hegemonic masculinity are aggressiveness, strength, drive, ambition, and self-reliance.”
So with the Alpha Male, you have a man who is confident, decisive, assertive, ambitious, strong, protective, often dominating, and a natural leader in the home. Of course, being an alpha female means you have to choose to allow him to be the Alpha Male or it’s “let the wars begin” time!
What does this have to do with anything? I married my hubby 13 years ago and I sure didn’t know we’d become an Alpha Pair back then. He did constantly tell me he was drawn to my strength and that he was glad I was a strong woman or he would walk all over me. Tell me about it!
There are good and not so good things about being married to an Alpha Male personality. On one hand he will protect you with his life. Right after we married, we were at Josh’s ball game and a foul ball was hit over the fence, heading for my head. I don’t know why I didn’t move but I just sat there, confident. Hubby simply reached over and caught the ball with his bare hand. Then there was the time the skunk got into the house – and he boldly and bravely figured a way to get it out without freaking the spray out of it. So now he reminds me often that he has saved my life, many times.
On the other hand, the aforementioned alpha dog that will rule with body position, facial expression and the occasional nip or snarl? Any husband who tries that with an alpha female won’t live long. They have to sleep some time. So I also have to choose to stand my ground occasionally when the cowboy boots seem to be made for walking… all over me.
So here’s the ramble. One day I asked hubby if he was aware he was an Alpha Male. He had NO idea what I was talking about. That was when I made a HUGE mistake in our marriage, huge. I told him what an Alpha Male was. And oh yeah, have I never heard the end of that.
If I stymie him in some way, I’ll get this fist beating puffed out chest male in my face with, “But I’m ALPHA! Alpha always wins! Alpha is always right! Alpha rules!” Of course, he’s very much kidding. Trust me, if it were not for his sense of humor, I would not be able to write so many Rambles about him. But for sure he has taken his Alpha Maleness to the extreme!
That’s why he named his hummer the Alpha Mobile – of course. We have an Alpha Son (who just got his very own Alpha Motorcycle, picture to come when I can get him to stand still with it long enough) and we live in his Alpha House. He has taken this as far and as fast as he can. He takes every trait attributable to the alpha dog and tries to run it by me. But here’s the thing: I read a research paper on the Alpha Male that said, “Humor is sometimes described as a type of social aggression since it can be seen as an application of assertiveness. Aggression is inherently manly, and thus, attractive. (Note that humor MUST be accompanied with assertiveness for it to count as an Alpha quality.)” Who knew?
I gotta tell you, there is something to be said about being married to this Alpha Male. I’ve never laughed so much in my life! I enjoy a life that is much richer and more passionate. I have never felt or been more protected, loved, and joyous. I’ve been given a position of security and strength. As he told me, unless I allow him to be The Alpha Male, his life would be one of misery.
And hey, if he growls at me? I send him to the alpha dog house. Yeah, yeah, you know – the one with the big-screen TV!
And yeah, he IS my Knight in Shining Armor.
